One of my goals this year is to go outdoor rock climbing more often. So this month, I headed out to New Jack City in Barstow with some friends. The campsites at Sawtooth Campground are first come, first served, so after work on Friday, we sped through the long drive, thankfully found a site, and camped without any issues for two nights.

In two half days, we ended up climbing six routes. Between the approach, finding the right routes, and setting up the rope for four people each time, I felt good about it. I pushed myself to lead harder grades (5.10a’s and b’s), used techniques that felt uncomfortable, and trusted footholds and handholds that felt precarious.

Overall it was an efficient and challenging climbing weekend. But it was hard for me to call it a “fun” trip at first, even though it was objectively a great time.

I would definitely go back—New Jack City is an underrated gem for sport climbers. But most of the time, I was managing fear and a sense of dissatisfaction about my performance. If I wasn’t on the wall taking my sweet ol’ time, I was trying to rest and psych myself up for the next one.

I was honestly surprised by my mixed emotions after climbing. During my last trip, I felt happy building my confidence on routes below my level. This time, as I climbed harder and took more risks, my greatest fear (falling!) kept kicking in and threatening to stop me from finishing.

I bailed once after taking at least 45 minutes to make a single, precarious clip, and there were a couple more times when I considered giving into my fear and quitting. But in those moments of self-doubt, I imagined my ultimate worst-case scenario (free-falling to death or getting seriously injured) and used that as my motivation to keep going.

Of course, I knew logically I wouldn’t actually die (though getting hurt was a possibility), but when that fear kicked in, I needed to use it to my advantage and not let it consume me. I took deep breaths to regulate my body, channeled that fear into willpower, and focused on moving forward one hold at a time until I made it to the top.

Doing things that scare you really does put life into perspective. I once watched a reel of Alex Honnold telling an interviewer that when people don’t face real fear every so often, where they could actually get hurt, our brains tend to manufacture it somewhere else. But when you do face fear and come out stronger, the inconsequential anxieties start to lose their weight.

Learning how to deal with intense fear through rock climbing makes me feel like I can conquer anything. It’s not just the adrenaline—it’s the process of working through the distress. Using physical and mental techniques to calm myself enough to keep going allowed me to conquer climb after climb. Even though I felt afraid and a little numb, I realized I was stronger both physically and mentally than I often believe I am.

Still, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t easy going back to the rock gym after the trip. Part of me wanted to avoid climbing altogether for a bit, but I went back anyway to figure out what would help me feel secure again. I found I needed two days and a top rope session to mentally recover and rebuild a sense of safety before getting back into my routine.

The tools I’ve learned over the years have helped me to be open-minded and a lot more chill in situations I cannot control, both on and off the wall. When I’m afraid of messing up while performing in front of people, I focus on preparing as much as I can and getting through one step at a time. When I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing or making the wrong choice, I intentionally think through the options, make a decision, and accept whatever consequences come my way. When I’m climbing a challenging route and feel like I’m going to die, I remind myself that my belayer’s got me, the rope’s got me, and I can do it if I stay focused.

Facing your fear might not feel good in the moment, or even afterward. But not giving up—even when you’re afraid—and choosing to keep facing your fear builds resilience. And that resilience helps you do the hard things and realize you’re more capable than you might think.